Drifting Away
by ExtinctionOfReality
Summary: GinKira/AiKira Summary: A 100-year-old story about Kira's human past that turned out to be something much more than that... Gore/Grotesque.
1. Chapter 1: Reliving The Past

**Summary: **A 100-year-old story about Kira's human past that turned out to be something much more than that... Gore/Grotesque.

**General Pairings:** OCs/Kira, Gin/Kira, Aizen/Kira

**Warnings:** angst, violence, **gore/grotesque** (**I mean it!** **You have been warned!**), character death, abstractness/weirdness.

**Author's Notes:** well, it finally happened. I wrote something for Bleach. I feel accomplished by finally managing to find courage to type this down, but I also know the beginning may get a lot of negative reviews, for it contains a rather disturbing scene (**once again, turn back now if gore/guro is not your thing! This is your last warning!**)...

With that said, I would like to thank a special person who goes by the username of _**Writing Is Necessary**_ here on ffnet. She was the one who encouraged me to finally start writing for Bleach. Truthfully, without her, I don't think I would actually sit down and type down this story. Also, go check out her **"Entwined"** series if you haven't yet. She is an _amazing_ writer and her Kira is the BEST!~

A big thanks also goes to _**xJKxD**_ for looking through this chapter and pointing out some mistakes.^^

**Disclaimer:** I obviously do not have any rights to claim Bleach. This is a pure work of fanfiction.

_**Chapter 1: Reliving The Past**_

The war has ended. The Samurai period was over...the period I was born in, the time I was trying to protect with my bare hands and a sword, throwing myself against countless firearms. I saw all of my comrades dying before my very eyes, before I was shot as well. The shot managed to miss my vital organs and loathsomely, I managed to survive. The chance to commit seppuku was taken away from me...

Indeed, I was a weak warrior, denied of honor, instead being forced to accept the new era with open arms. But I stood my ground and refused...

_Oh..._

Then, they cut my hair...my precious long hair... They took away my sword, my robes...and lastly, my dignity.

_Hah-_

I didn't have a family, I never knew of any of my relatives. I had a wise mentor though who taught me everything I knew, everything I stood for...everything that didn't matter anymore...

_Mhn..._

I feel like a puppet now, waiting for the day someone would cut my strings and leave me to die. I refused to take reality as it was, I refused to forget the world I lived in, the world I so dearly loved, the one that made me smile, feel needed. This world did not need me...and I was not willing to accept it either...

_Aah!_

STOP YOUR FILTHY MOANING!

Grabbing my now short hair harder, I tried to block out all of the tastelessly annoying sounds in the room, feeling nauseous. I lay in the corner of the room, face facing a white wall, away from everyone, completely naked... Ah, how I wished I could just end all this suffering with one swift strike of the sword...or a tight rope around my neck... I no longer cared about honor, I just craved for this to end...to end!

Shivering from cold slightly, I pulled my legs up to the chest, wrapping arms around them; already given up on blocking the moans...it was no use anyway. They were only getting louder.

After the war, I ended up in this brothel. Not because I wished to, but not against my will either. I no longer cared about my existence. It didn't matter what happened to me anymore.

If I had to suffer for not being able to commit seppuku in time, then so be it.

"Kira-sempai..." shivering slightly at the light touch on my shoulder, I didn't bother to turn around. Kira...Kira...Kira... Was that my real name? ...such a simple name that hardly mattered...

"Sempai," the voice whispered again and I felt a face nuzzling my cheek.

How filthy...go away...

A hand started running down my body...

Go away... I don't want to hurt you...

A hot tongue ran down my neck...

No...stop this or I'll-

...A moan near my ear...

Turning around abruptly, I hit my assaulter with great force, enough to make the young boy fall backwards, hitting the wooden floor with a loud thud. He cried out in pain, grabbing his head.

I felt a sudden pang of guilt in my heart as I watched the scene in slow motion.

No...this wasn't what I wanted...

There was a pause in which murmurs filled the room.

"Ah, it's that lowly samurai again..."

"Did he just hurt Arata-kun?"

"How dare that asshole hurt the smallest child here?!"

"Shh, he'll hear you."

Lowering my head in shame, I bit my lip. Oh how I wished I still had my long hair to hide my face at that very moment. I just carelessly made a scene and...

"What is the commotion all about, my pretties?"

...I knew I was going to pay for it.

It was him. He entered the room...the person I despised more than anyone else in this world. That wide smile, those eyes that could pierce anyone in sight... I hated him...I hated him so much, yet I could do nothing against him.

I lost my strength and will so long ago...

Thankfully, no one dared say a word, but it was definitely obvious what had happened. I could feel those piercing eyes on me... I could hear those footsteps coming closer...closer... Those feet now in my view.

Kami...

"Ah, my favorite disobedient boy..." the man said, his voice severed of any emotion, but I still knew he was smiling... I could feel him piercing me down to my very core.

I was burning...he was setting me on fire...

In my despair and fear, I didn't even notice him kneel down before me, caressing my hair, "Oh, Kira Kira...tsk tsk... It's the fifth time you made a scene since you got here," he leaned to my ear, I could feel his smile, "No need to shake...yet," a chuckle, "I will teach you of what happens when one is _this_ disobedient..."

The man grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me up. I cried out, squeezing my eyes shut in pain, clawing at his hands, but all he did was laugh and pull me behind him. My legs tangled and I fell to the floor, but he kept pulling me along despite that. It felt as if he would tear my head off my shoulders. Tears started running down my face, but there was no way of stopping them...

All I could do was...pray this would end soon.

Before I was dragged out of the room, through the agonizing pain, I managed to hear a barely there sob and a whisper, "Kira-sempai..."

The pain stopped as I was yanked forward hard, falling on the floor. Immediately, I grabbed for my head in an attempt to stop the pounding. It hurt so badly...

But it was nothing compared to the pain I felt as a heavy boot collided with my back. For the first time in my life, I was glad it was not a geta, for it would have been more painful. Crying out, eyes wide open, I quickly bit my lip to stop myself from crying out again.

The room was hardly lit...

"Tch...oh please. Don't make me laugh, Kira... You have been through much worse treatment than this. What made you so pathetic all of a sudden?" the boot was lifted off my back and I felt a pair of hands turn me around, so I was now face to face with the loathsome man.

...More than my own death, I wished for his death...

That smiling face chuckled right at me, "What's with that scowl? You hate me that much?" a pause, a strange glint in those colorless eyes, "You should. I find it rather arousing..."

He grabbed both of my arms, using a chain that was attached to the ceiling, which I only just noticed, to suspend them above my head, so now I was sited.

No...my body had enough bruises...

Grunting, I kicked his stomach with my foot. I may have turned into a puppet, but I would _never_ let someone like _him_ do anything to me anymore.

Anyone BUT him.

The man bent over and I used that to my advantage, kicking him square in the face. He took a few steps back quickly and I used that chance to test the chains, but of course they wouldn't budge.

I was trapped...if I didn't space out by his enchanting voice a few moments back, I would have escaped him and then...

My body stilled as I realized what I was thinking.

And then...what? I had no where to go... No one to return to.

Nothing.

Loud laughter roared throughout the room, "You should see the look on your face right now, boy. You look like a lost puppy," I refused to look up at the man as I saw him circling my form in the corner of my eyes, "But rest assured, I will not let you get away from this place alive."

My head snapped up at that.

W-what..?

"That's right, Kira. Isn't this what you always wanted..?" a glint of metal near my face. Slowly, I turned to look at it.

Ah, tantou... There was no mistaking it.

It was...so beautiful...

"Hm, what's this?" the knife left my face and ran down my body, without piercing my flesh, stopping at the hardening member, "Does the thought of being pierced fatally arouse you, darling..?" another chuckle.

I... I lost my resolve to struggle.

The blade pierced the side of my thigh and I let out a low grunt mixed with a moan. Why...why did this feel so good? The blade ran down, leaving a long gash in its way...so perfect.

I wanted more.

"Haha...shh, calm yourself...you will get more, my dear boy..." the man behind me, whose name I did not even know, but whom I hated before yet loved more than anyone else at the very second, started biting down my neck...hard, as if I were fresh fish.

I couldn't help another moan.

Oh dear Lord, what was happening to me? I couldn't control my body anymore...this kind of pain felt so good, so very good.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the blade. To think such a small object could take my life at any second...to think it could bring me this much pleasure; paint my pale skin red.

"Red looks so good on you, Kira..." a voice near my ear said, as if reading my thoughts. A hot tongue brought me back to my senses as it started lapping at my blood. The blade went up my side, taunting, teasing me so badly...

I couldn't help but push against it, feeling it pull away fast to my disappointment.

"A-a-ah, my precious... Not so soon..." those warm lips whispering against my ear suddenly felt so hot.

I moaned in displeasure, leaning back against the man, who only laughed, "Oh Kira, you must know that such displays are not done without audience...RIGHT?!" I felt the blade stab my lower back.

Moaning loudly in both ecstasy and pain, I felt myself come, my untouched member throbbing.

Panting heavily, it was getting a bit painful to breathe, with a blade in my back. I knew I was slowly losing my mind, for pain never felt as good as it did at that time.

Suddenly, I was aware of so many eyes in the room. Raising my head, I noticed noblemen dressed in Western clothing staring at me, eating me up with their cruel gazes.

Th-this was...

I started thrashing against the binds again, feeling my face heat up. What was I thinking?! How could I possibly think of this pain as good?! I didn't want this, I-

A slap collided with my cheek.

"Hmm...you were right. This whore is good." One of the noblemen said, taking their jacket off, "Perfect for what we have in mind."

No.

"I would love to see him go down on the knife, to see how his insides would tear apart."

No...

"Maybe it's best if we take it slowly first? I want to see him beg more for the blade the way he did just now."

NO!

Screaming out, I almost managed to get on my feet before I felt tantou pierce my flesh deeper, leaving me motionless.

"Kira, please do not annoy our honorable guests," honor..? "Isn't death your greatest wish..? Do you not want to die experiencing the greatest ecstasy of your life?"

Ecstasy..? ...Death..?

"Please excuse this pet's destructive behavior, gentlemen. He is one of the new kind, a rarity if you must: a lowly samurai warrior who survived from the battlefield."

I smiled very lightly at that and looked up at the men before me. I didn't see their faces anymore; I didn't care what they looked like. I didn't hear what they were saying. All I knew was... I was going to die.

Finally...die...

With that thought in mind, I easily spread my legs.

All this time, unbeknownst to myself, I have been held back by a little string of hope in my heart... I have no idea where in came from, but now I realized I had it, because despite myself, I have been fighting against my fate all this time. I have been going against this brothel's system, losing my resolve from time to time, yet still fighting...but...

It all ends here.

I was now too tired to fight a losing match.

If there was no way of returning the days of the Shogunate, which I hoped was possible to do all this time, then I would rather truly be dead.

These men before me... Could never be samurai...

Never again.

One after another, I felt the men raping me, abusing every bit of my flesh. I no longer felt anything, I felt completely immobile, allowing them to do as they pleased with me.

And they did indeed do as they pleased.

There was not a single spot on my skin that was not painted red. Big cuts covered my body and I started to feel like a ragged doll, waiting to be sewn by its master.

Or be ripped to shreds.

In the end, they did what one of the noblemen suggested and plunged the knife into my anus, ripping me from the inside, running the blade up to my stomach.

My body felt numb to the point I no longer felt a thing...or rather, I did not know which painful part on my body to focus on.

How amusing...

Looking down at my ripped body, I noticed I could no longer manage to move my legs. The deepest wound that now looked like it separated my body in two halves was the most...impressive, I had to admit it with that exact word, for it went up my stomach and it looked like I committed a ritual seppuku, even though it wasn't exactly the way I wanted it.

At least my guts didn't fall out, so it was a clean death.

A shadow stood before me, covering me completely. I could no longer find the strength to raise my head either, so I simply shifted my eyes up. All I could see was a blur of a wide smile.

Then, everything went black instantaneously. I heard a loud crack and felt my head shift to the side.

The last thought that ever crossed my mind was... I wished embarrassing tears didn't run down my cheeks all that time.

At least the darkness was so inviting... I wished I could smile...

* * *

Gasping for breath, I opened my eyes only to meet the ceiling of my own room. Blinking a few times, I realized tears were running down my face.

Thank goodness, was that all just a...nightmare..? But it felt so...real...I can still feel the blade running down my body, marking it...

Shivering, I wiped the tears off my face; I couldn't help looking at my hands: a pale color, not a single wound in sight...

"Ah, Izuru... Ya are finally awake," a rustle of papers, "Slept well?"

Blinking, I turned my head in the direction of the voice, "Ichimaru-Taichou?" even I could hear slight surprise in my voice. Certainly it wouldn't go unnoticed.

Taichou was sited at the table, leaning against his left hand, his usual grin on his face, reading something on a piece of paper in that lazy manner of his, by holding the piece with his two slender fingers.

What was he doing at my home to begin with?

As expected, my surprise didn't go unnoticed and Taichou raised his head to look at me, his grin vanishing suddenly though, replaced by a small frown, "Ya don't look so good, Izuru," pushing the table away, he motioned with his fingers for me to come to him.

Feeling ashamed of my presentation before my Taichou, I hid my face with the bang of hair, "I-I'm fine, Ichimaru-Taichou," I refused to move from my spot, now in my sited position.

Never once did the scenes from the scary dream leave my mind though... Why did I have to dream something like that..? It almost felt like-

"Kira," I gasped lightly at hearing my name, looking up at Taichou. He still had that frown on his face.

The way he said my name though...It was the same as in my dream, but it was not Ichimaru-Taichou in it...yet the man in my dream had the same grin and voice...

Why?

Crawling out of bed, I slowly made my way to my Taichou, trying to look as formal as possible considering the situation. As soon as I was standing before him, I considered bowing, but Ichimaru-Taichou motioned for me to sit down before him, so I complied.

For at least a minute, he stared at me with that frown on his face, but then he showed me the piece of paper he had been reading, holding it with his two slender fingers before my eyes, "Ya going to publish this, aren't ya?"

My eyes traveled to the piece of paper and I couldn't help but blush very slightly instantaneously, "Y-...yes..." I wasn't sure if I should publish this anymore...

I forgot about the dream for a short second.

Taichou's grin returned suddenly and without saying a word he put the paper back onto the table. Then, without a warning, his hand was on my head.

A light shiver ran down my spine, the memory of the cruel dream again before my eyes, that painful grip on my short hair...that similar to my Taichou's grin...

"Ichimaru...Taichou..?"

Slowly, Taichou started pulling my head down, before it lay on his lap. Sighing with relief, though slightly alarmed by my Taichou's strange behavior, I didn't struggle and made myself a bit more comfortable, lying down on the floor with my head on my Taichou's lap.

I truly needed it...

Somehow, this felt nice. Ichimaru-Taichou didn't move his hand from my head. It felt as if he knew all about my dream, as if he could look right through me...

But then, he probably could indeed.

There was no other place I would rather be in this world right now than right here, with my Taichou. He meant a lot to me and I would sacrifice my life for him if I had to, without a second thought.

And I will never fail. I won't let me in that dream be real. Never.

"Indeed, 'da persimmon tree does bear fruit'."

Confused, I looked up, "T-taichou..?"

Ichimaru-Taichou only grinned at me even wider, "It's nothing, Izuru," he turned his head to look through the window at the dark sky, opening those bright eyes ever so slightly in a strange glare, "Nothing at all."

And everything went dim, darkness engulfing me.

_**To Be Continued...  
**_

* * *

Well, I decided to turn this oneshot into a fic, for I got an interesting idea and I think I should explain more properly what is happening. XD Not sure how it'll really turn out, but we'll see and I'll try...

Thank you for reading this far and review if you want. *bows*


	2. Chapter 2: Where Your Loyalty Lies

**Warnings for this chapter: **none, really, for it's mostly an explanation of the 1st chapter, so it's simply weird and abstract, like usual.

_Oh, also, this story is manga spoiler-ish from this point onwards. Please turn back if you are not up to date with what is currently happening._

I guess, in the end, the idea for this fic is rather simple, but I felt like writing it down anyway, soo...yeah...^^; Here's another chapter.

_**Chapter 2: Where Your Loyalty Lies**_

"_Soul Society is crumbling. It is dying..."_

I did not close my eyes, yet everything went dark... And nothing but darkness stayed before my eyes. I wasn't lying near my precious Taichou. I was standing here, in this world full of darkness, nothing in my sight.

"_Your mentor is waiting for you on the other side..."_

I tried reaching out, but felt nothing. It was like an empty space... And I was afraid to move, afraid to fall...

"_Subconsciously, you do not trust anyone anymore..."_

That voice, it has been ringing in my ears, an echo sounding through this emptiness. I couldn't make out the place it was coming from, nor who it belonged to.

"_Your comrades have betrayed you... They left you to suffer in the new world..."_

No fear in my mind or heart. The voice was pleasant, like a lullaby... I felt like falling asleep...

"_Alone."_

Closing my eyes...it was talking me away...

"_Alone!"_

A shout, opening my eyes again, I looked around. Only darkness again.

"_ALONE!"_

That painfully agonizing scream, I grabbed my ears and felt like screaming along with it, but nothing came out.

I took a step back and felt myself fall fast, the pressure of the wind slipping past me. No longer darkness. Everything around was grey.

"_If your old world crumbles, you will fall along with it..."_

I lay there in this grey world, seeing nothing but grey around me. I didn't feel like sitting up just yet. I wanted to lie there, basking in the glory of that voice again.

A strange thought crossed my mind out of nowhere, _"Who was Arata-kun?"_

"_The subconscious you, the weaker side of you... One you refuse to accept and always push away..."_

Sitting up slowly, I felt like I was in water. I was not drowning, just floating. Raising hands through the water pressure, I looked at them, but couldn't see anything but grey.

My mind was blank; the only things that existed to me were the voice and the place I was in.

"_You feel pain at seeing yourself suffer... You pity yourself..."_

I knew I heard this voice somewhere before, somewhere a long time ago, but I couldn't put my finger on it...

"_That man... He betrayed you, you hated him... He made you suffer when he left... Your mentor..."_

Shaking slightly for no reason known to me, something wet escaped my eyes, something I couldn't see...

"_You felt like leaving along with him, but you were afraid... And you had no choice... You couldn't leave everyone behind... For you were the only one who could look after them..."_

Ah! Something appeared in the distance, something that was getting closer, closer...

A...black spider web?

"_Others taunted you behind your back, but you put up with the pain, for you still hoped for peace to return to your world... for the "old" him to come back to you..."_

Reaching out, I touched the web. It was sticky, like a web should be...but something was missing, something I couldn't see.

Where was the spider..?

"_You loathed the "new" mentor, yet you loved the "old" one...what a simple matter..."_

I felt something crawling up my arm. Fear sipping through me, I pushed the thing off me, not even feeling what it was as I did that.

Looking down, I noticed it was a spider. It was already running up the web.

"_You wanted to smile, for your suffering was finally ending... The times were changing... And you were no longer needed neither by the new, nor the old worlds..."_

I-it was... It couldn't be, _"Ichimaru-Taichou?!"_

Ichimaru-Taichou suddenly appeared before my eyes, staring at me, mesmerizing my very soul... The spider, it was crawling down the web, down his face, one of its hideous paws entered Ichimaru-Taichou's mouth.

Taichou didn't do anything to stop the spider; he only smiled his usual grin.

"_And then... Ya almost died..."_

My eyes went wide.

But Ichimaru-Taichou before me fell apart into many tiny pieces, like glass. I noticed a familiar figure standing beside me.

That black hair, stance...

"_W-Wabisuke?" _my voice trembled in my mind.

The Zanpakutou spirit turned to face me, a serious expression on his face. But then, he smiled uncharacteristically and I heard that same voice again...

"_I know where your loyalty truly lies, Kira..."_

Everything faded into white.

* * *

As whiteness faded, again I saw Ichimaru-Taichou before me. I was still lying on his lap, looking at him. Those cold eyes stared through the window at the night sky.

W-what was he so mad about..?

"I-Ichimaru-Taichou..?" I asked again, uneasily. His head shifted and those eyes were on me now momentarily, before Taichou closed them again, smiling.

"Izuru..." he started, his hand running through my locks, "Ya must never give up yar hope."

Confused, I stared at my Taichou. What was he talking about all of a sudden..? I was here, during warless, peaceful times in Soul Society. There was nothing I needed to hope for, because I had what I needed most.

"Promise me." Taichou continued, his head leaning down towards mine. I could feel my heart beating faster.

W-what..?

"Promise me, Izuru," he spoke inches away from my lips, that hot breath tickling my face, "To never lose sight of yarself. Who ya truly are..." Taichou's other hand ran down my thigh, "...loyal to."

And lips were on my own, a bit rough, but not forceful. Why was I being kissed by my Taichou..? I did not know, but I wasn't about to push him away. Pulling his head closer using both of my hands, I closed my eyes and deepened the kiss.

At that very second, I knew where my loyalty would forever lie.

...Here, in these never forgotten memories of my Taichou, for I knew they were real...

Full of truth.

A chuckle sounded in the back of my head,_ "You pass the test, Izuru."_

What was going on?!

* * *

I knew I was no longer myself, for I suddenly stood at the same high as Ichimaru-Taichou...

_Gin being my Taichou? What an absurd thought._

H-huh?

_Just sit back and watch quietly, Izuru._

Something rough pushed me back, so I could no longer control the body or the thoughts, just witness.

And witness I did.

Before my eyes, or the person I saw these scenes through, stood Ichimaru-Taichou, holding someone in his arms.

Who was that..? Me..? B-but... What was I doing here while my body was there?!

"Izuru is my own problem, Aizen-sama," a smile, a shift of Zanpakutou in his right hand.

Aizen-sama?! Was I in his body at that moment?

The surrounding area looked like a forest; there was no one else in sight, only Taichou and me in his arms...

"Indeed he is," a pause, sound of footsteps and Ichimaru-Taichou was getting closer in my view, "Gin...make sure to take good care of him. He might be useful in the future."

"Yes, yes," Ichimaru-Taichou put his Zanpakutou away, "Then if ya please, stop messing around with his head from now on," if it was even possible, but that smile just got wider, "I will take care of 'im well," with a slight bow, Taichou disappeared along with my body.

Taichou... He made a promise to take good care of me..? But...

"_That's right, little Kira. Gin is already dead, but... He has kept his promise."_

Taichou was...dead?

I could feel the whole world breaking. Everything was shaking, rattling. Something inside my mind was buzzing.

It was painful.

PAIN- NEED- DESPERATION- AND-

I finally opened my eyes.

I woke up.

_**To Be Continued…**_

* * *

It's short, but I really needed to get this out of my system before I could finally start on what's really been running through my mind. XD It's funny, I woke up this morning and couldn't do anything else before I typed this chapter down...lol Man, I really looved writing it~

I'm not sure myself where this is heading _exactly_, but one thing is for sure: everything will make sense in chapters to come, if there is still confusion...lol I'm not certain how ready I am to do an actual Bleach fanfic, but we'll see. There is always a delete button anywayz...

Well, thank you for reading and review if you want to~^^ *bow*


	3. Chapter 3: Healing, not

**Author's Note:** while this is manga-based, please keep in mind that I don't know many things, for the new arc is not yet that far in (for future reference: chapter 518 just came out)...not only that, but I may have gotten much information wrong, since I'm still new to Bleach and am an idiot, so don't treat it as something very-canon either, please... Keep in mind that this is all simply a result of my sick imagination.

The good news is, I already have the entire plot in mind at least (how much of a good news is that though? LOL)...well, we'll see how it goes...

**Warnings for this chapter:** nothing out of the ordinary for now, apart from abstractness/weirdness and a bit of violence. But keep in mind that there WILL be more guro in the future (in the next chapter actually). So please turn back still if it's not your thing.

Well, with that said, enjoy some of it at least.

_**Chapter 3: Healing...not**_

Waking up abruptly with my eyes wide open, the reality came crushing down upon me. I was aware of being no longer asleep. I was aware of the excruciating pain shooting through my body.

I was aware of not being able to see anything because of the silky material covering my eyes...a blindfold?

My head felt heavy, panging lightly with every beat of my heart. I could hardly feel the right side of my body, slowly realizing I couldn't move the fingers of my right hand...

Was my hand even attached to my body at all..?

The battle... The Quincy attack on Soul Society... So many dying, me included.

Why was I alive..? Who...healed me?

Ah, my mouth was wide open, something moving inside experimentally and frankly...someone's tongue. A kiss..?

A weight shifted beside me, I could feel a hand traveling down my body, the hot mouth pulling away, a wet trail of saliva on my lips. A nip at my neck, a hard bite...and I gasped in slight pain. My left hand shot up instantly, trying to push the assaulting mouth away, coming in contact with soft short hair. Who was this person..?

The mouth pulled away and I felt a hand on top of my own, grasping, playing with my fingers, lightly pulling me up into a sitting position. My side hurt so badly, but I complied, slowly sitting up, a low hiss escaping me.

...Was I safe..?

"Finally awake, little Kira..."

A shiver ran down my spine at the sound of that too familiar voice. I heard it so many times before...so many times in my...

Dreams..? Nightmares..?

"Aizen..?" my mouth moved on its own, my voice hoarse to the point I couldn't recognize it myself. But at that moment, my mind spun with so many questions I didn't exactly care about my physical well-being.

I was strangely alive...and that was more than enough.

A yelp and a choking sound traveled throughout the room, the hand that was holding my hand so lightly a few seconds ago was now around my neck, forcing me back down on the...bed? Yes, the fall wasn't painful, but it felt as if my neck was going to be crushed and I would choke to death if this continued.

My left hand was held down above, legs and head thrashing, body in pain. It was getting harder to breathe... I was getting dizzy...

_W-wabisuke..!_

There was no answer.

I started to cough...

_Wabisuke!_

Still no answer...

Where was my only companion?! He should be here, he should be in the back of my mind, he should be...

Where did half of my soul go..?

I stilled in shock and lack of oxygen, but at that same moment, the hand was lifted off my neck and I gasped, drinking in all of the air I was lacking, breathing fast and uneven. My heart started pounding louder and it felt as if it's going to burst out of my body.

A hand stroked my neck almost lovingly. I felt a smirk against my right cheek.

"Do not forget the honorific," a pause and a frown, "Know your place, Izuru..."

My breathing finally stable, I closed my mouth, slowly realizing the mistake I made... This was Aizen Sosuke, one of the most dangerous men to descend upon this world. I needed to be careful.

I needed to know how I was still alive...

Was he the one who saved me..? What use am I to him then..? And those dreams...those filthy nightmares...

It...hurt to think...but I needed answers.

Lips nuzzled my cheek and I trembled from not expecting it. My left hand was pulled up once again, this time, being brought to those lips that traveled over my fingers...

I felt a heavy hand on my hair suddenly, it being pulled back ever so gently. Gulping, with my heart beating violently, I didn't make a move. I couldn't grasp what was going on exactly yet...

My hand was put on my chest; two fingers were suddenly at the corners of my mouth, forcing it wide open in a hideous smile.

W-what-

"Smile for me like _he_ always did, Izuru..."

And my heart was ripped out of my chest. It broke into millions of tiny pieces at those words.

No way...no...

...Ichimaru-Taichou...

Tilting my head to the side roughly, I forced the fingers away. The request kept echoing in my mind...

W-why..? Why was he doing this..?

I am not a doll. I am not a replacement. I can never be...Ichimaru-Taichou…

Gods...I miss him. I miss him so much...

The memories I dreamed of before appeared in my mind. Those slender fingers caressing my hair, a hand on my thigh...those lips on my own...

...Just as hot as those lips kissing me now.

With a hand holding the side of my neck, I was pulled into a deep kiss. It was not rough, something you wouldn't expect from Aizen Sosuke, not forceful at all...

I was drowning in its meaning, the emotion behind it.

My eyes were tearing up...

I wanted Ichimaru-Taichou back. No matter how much time passes, this scar will never be healed by anyone.

Never...

I parted my lips to answer the much daring tongue. I...needed this... I needed this so, so much...

A hand was running down my right side, fingers digging at the bandaged wound there, making me hiss in pain into the kiss. Teeth bit on my lip, the tongue working so frantically I thought I was going to be devoured.

It was over in a few minutes.

Breathless, I lay there in silence. Aizen was gone. He left me there...alone.

What just happened, all of the emotions I just felt might not have happened at all.

Illusion...it is all an illusion...

Pulling the blindfold off my eyes, I had to squint them as I was hit by the brightness of the room. Too bright, all of the walls were white...

I pulled the blindfold back on.

Running the left hand down my right arm uncertainly, afraid to find out the state it was in, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as a bandaged hand and fingers came in contact.

Thank goodness I didn't lose it...

My side was also bandaged, already wet though. Bringing the hand up to my lips, I licked at the fingers. A metallic taste...blood sipped though.

Whoever healed me did not do a great job at it, but at least I was not in the worst possible shape.

I wish I had enough strength to heal myself right now...

Sighing, I lay there, thinking about everything and nothing. I had too many mixed up emotions...

Aizen's strange tender touches...his comment about Taichou... my survival of the war...those strange dreams... Wabisuke not being there...

I needed to get out of here very soon.

"Hey, sorry for the disturbance..."

Startled, I didn't feel the person standing right beside me before they spoke up. I turned my head in the directing of the voice only to remember my eyes were still covered by the blindfold.

That voice...I didn't recognize it at all.

Who was this person..?

I was about to pull the blindfold up, only to have a gloved hand stop me in my advances, "You should not do that. Aizen-sama would be furious..."

Somewhat confused, I decided to not rebel against the person's warning and relaxed somewhat...as much as I could while being in a same room with a complete stranger.

"May I ask who you are..?"

"Oh, yes, of course...um..." there was a slight rustle of fabric as the person, a _man_ as the voice indicated, shifted uncomfortably, "The name is Buzzbee..." another pause, "Look, I am sorry I attacked and left you in such a state, but I was following Aizen-sama's orders. He told me to do this and-"

His rant was cut short. I couldn't bear hearing anything else as I flung my fist blindly at him. Unfortunately, it was caught...

He was the one who nearly killed me...how can you possibly apologize for nearly killing someone?!

Ignoring my body's painful pang, I quickly shifted my body, kicking this Buzzbee-guy, my foot landing on his stomach. It wasn't a strong hit, for I am indeed still weak, but it was enough to make him let go of my fist and take a few steps back.

Sitting up, still ignoring the pain in my body, I pulled the blindfold up, eyeing the Quincy down.

Oh how I wish I had Wabisuke with me right now...

"How dare you come to me with such an apology?!" I yelled, ready to do more damage, but there was a sudden shift of air as a beam of energy flew past the left side of my neck, crashing the wall behind.

Pausing, I stared at the hooded man with wide eyes.

Holy...

Buzzbee lowered his hand, "...I did not come here out of my own free will. It was an order from Aizen-sama," that change of attitude annoyed me and I visibly showed it on my face, "I am sure you are aware of not being able to do battle in your current state. Please refrain from any unnecessary actions unless you want to die."

Scowling, I lowered my head, feeling defeated. Clenching my left fist, I stared at the lower part of my body. Here I sat, completely naked, bandaged and defeated, all in great view of the person who has almost killed me...

This could not get much worse... I needed Wabisuke. I needed my strength back...

The man moved closer before he stood right in front of me. Ah, strangling him to death was such a great wish right now.

"Please pull the blindfold back on. I will change your bandages."

"No need for that."

I would rather be dead than succumb to this humiliation further. Who does he think he is?!

"Very well then. My order was to change your bandages. Aizen-sama did not say how it needed to be done. I may as well do it the hard way."

There was a small pause, as if he was giving me a chance to choose... And I hated him for that even more.

How can I possibly agree with everything he is saying so easily? He was an enemy, one that almost destroyed my home, my life, killed and hurt many of my comrades. I couldn't just give in. I may be physically worn out, but I still had my pride...and no one could take it away from me.

"Look, I do not have all day. What is it going to be, liebes Kind*?"

Glancing up at the Quincy's face, I saw neither hate in those eyes, nor pity. He was simply following Aizen's orders for everything he did, whether he wanted to do it or not...

I was getting so tired...

Utterly defeated, both mentally and physically, I pulled the blindfold back on.

"Good boy..." the man muttered and I heard him shift again, possibly crouching before me.

Don't get too comfortable, you filthy Quincy...

I will get my revenge one day. This I promise you...and myself.

Shivering at the sudden touches, I felt hands on the bandage around my body.

"I heard you have healing abilities. Why did you not heal yourself yet..?" he asked stupidly, undoing the bandages.

I refused to say anything and kept quiet, but I guess he was asking this himself rather than me, so it was kept at that.

As soon as the bandage was off...a few gloved fingers ran down my wound to which I quivered lightly.

W-what was he doing..?!

But the hand was gone from my wound as quickly as it was there, replaced by something wet rubbing the blood off my wound. A strong smell hit my nostrils. A disinfective humans use..?

That alone made me snicker a bit to myself. Oh my, what was this..? Was I being healed the human way..?

Ridiculous... This would take ages.

But I guess I did not have an alternative right now...

These strange touches as he did my bandages though...why was he touching me like that..?

I shifted a bit.

As soon as he was done with changing all of my bandages, he silently left the room without a single word.

Tired, I lay down on the bed, my body slightly hot.

I have no idea why I was feeling this way from someone touching my wounds...

Running my left hand down the wounded side, I shivered a bit, licking my lips.

Oh, Kami... This was actually making me hard.

Since when was my body so sensitive..?

Stopping what I was doing before I actually really got aroused, I lay there motionless.

Feeling myself getting drowsy, I closed my eyes, the strange events of today running through my mind.

...I needed to find Wabisuke...

There was no way I could fall asleep unalarmed, thus I fell into light slumber.

_**To Be Continued...**_

*liebes Kind – dear child


End file.
